Updated: Jun 16, 2020
There I lay, on my bed, a young girl about ten years old. I poured over the words he wrote in one of his love letters to me. I was able to comprehend much of it, but parts were beyond my capacity to understand. Oh how I desired to know the meaning of every weighted word. I knew deep within my heart that every single word was special and just for me. His love letters to me would inspire my dreams and visions throughout the night and day.
He would use these dreams and visions to captivate my heart even further for him. The earliest dream I recall started off with me as a young girl, a child, splashing about in my pop-up swimming pool on the lawn, so lush and green, like velvet. Warm sun rays kissed my golden skin. Children’s laughter and play could be heard faintly in the background along with sounds of lawn mowers creating aromas of freshly cut lawns. Cornstarch blue skies decorated the backdrop of this beautiful dream. And there he was, descending on a bright cloud, adorned in brilliant white linen with a golden sash draped around his chest. His hair, dark, wavy and past his neck. Eyes…oh his eyes were like fire! A smile beaming across his face, so warm and full of love. As he approached his arms were out, palms up. Without even speaking he said so much to my young heart. I was truly captivated.
My windows are often open so I can feel the wind dancing through the curtains. It’s as if I can hear his voice riding on every breeze. He is here. I can feel him. Without saying a word, he is here, with me. I am never alone. Birds are chirping and singing his love song to me. He loves me. I feel it. I feel him.
When I doubted and wondered if he was even real, he never abandoned me. I could always hear his voice and feel his presence. Even when I wasn’t reciprocating his love back to him, he never quit on me. All those years I was silent and wouldn’t respond to his calls, he stayed, waiting for me. The only time he felt far off was when I wanted him to. He is such a gentleman. He has always been watching over me even when I didn’t know or didn’t want to believe it, there he was. I made some of the most painful decisions that carried the capacity to cut right to his heart. But he was never offended. He just kept loving me. He kept calling for me. He never gave up on me. Even through all the times I rejected him, he stayed, waiting, like a jealous lover. He wasn’t going anywhere. He had all the time in the world. He is patient. He…is love.
When I feel lonely, he is always available. I don’t have to wait for him to complete a task or end a conversation with someone else. He is always captivated by me and always desires for me to be in his presence. He never turns me away. He drops everything just to hear my voice. He longs to hold me for hours on end. There is nothing more important or lovely to him than to hold me and call me his love. He strokes my hair like a loving father, cherishing every strand and every second of time with me. He stares into my eyes and sketches into his memory every single crease and sparkle, just like a mother not wanting to ever forget this very moment in time. He grabs a bundle of my hair drenched with the smell of the outdoors and draws it to his nostrils, sniffing a memory that will never fade. He is content to just sit here, in this moment with me, not being distracted by anything else. Yet, his very word holds the planets and constellations in place, but somehow, he is still able to devote every iota of attention to me. I feel so treasured and so loved. There is no rejection for me in his heart. He will stop everything just for me. He will lay down his very life…for me…and yet, I cannot fathom what I have done to gain such love from this beautiful man. How have I captivated a king? How have I captivated THE King?
My mind cannot comprehend his love for me. My heart cannot fathom it. My body physically bursts with overwhelming joy and emotion at his love for me. No man has ever loved me like this. No man has ever gone to such great length to win my heart. Yes, he has opened his store houses to me, but that is not what draws me. His desire for me, his love for me…oh his love. His presence. His presence awakens my soul. He causes me to want to dance and sing. He fills my heart with giddy laughter and cries of overwhelming gratitude. When I call out to him, his beaming smile saturates me with drunkenness for his love. I want more of him. Every encounter draws me to seek him further. I find myself searching and planning for ways to escape with him into a secluded place where we can get lost in each other. He is my lover! He is the lover I have been searching for since I was a little girl. I am my beloved’s. I am captivated by his love for me. Ann Lindholm Copyright © 2020